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Forgiving Your Wife Review an evaluation checklist of offenses that wives typically commit against their husbands. Family Counseling Ministries - In Article Dr. Dunlap examines the widespread resentment that many men feel because they have not forgiven their wives for offending them. He provides men with a list of 110 ways that wives typically hurt their husbands. He explains that it is necessary for a husband to specifically identify the areas in which his wife has hurt him, so that he can thoroughly forgive her before God. This list should only be used in preparation to forgive a wife. Any other use would be sinfully wrong. Listed below are some of the offenses that wives typically commit against their husbands. As men read through this list, it is a good idea to check the items that apply to their individual situations. Then they should use those items as a guide to specifically forgive their wives.
I forgive my wife for: ___1. Expecting me to know what she needs without telling me ___2. Ignoring me ___3. Trying to be financially independent ___4. Not valuing my opinions ___5. Insisting on maintaining separate checking accounts ___6. Paying more attention to other people than to me ___7. Demonstrating greater loyalty to other people (children, parents, employer, friends, pastor, etc.) than to me ___8. Resisting my decisions in her heart ___9. Resisting my physical affection ___10. Making me feel guilty if I desire her sexually when she doesn’t desire me ___11. Being unresponsive to me sexually ___12. Withholding sex as a means of punishing me for my insensitivity or wrong behavior ___13. Taking my responsibilities into her hands in order to see to it that they get done ___14. Not respecting me as a person who is in a God-given position of authority over her ___15. Not respecting me as the God-given leader in our home ___16. Not expressing confidence in me when I make wrong decisions ___17. Not showing loyalty and support in spite of the wrong decisions I make ___18. Not appreciating me for the positive things that I do for her or for the family ___19. Not expressing enthusiasm for my achievements ___20. Being inattentive to me when I am talking ___21. Not taking care of her physical appearance and/or health ___22. Not being determined to develop a gentle and contented spirit, which God says is precious in His sight ___23. Failing to know or apply the biblical principles of appeal when she needs to appeal to me about certain situations ___24. Being unwilling to forgive me for past failures or hurts ___25. Being unwilling to explain her needs and fears without condemning me ___26. Being unwilling to define her responsibilities to me ___27. Discrediting or criticizing me to other people ___28. Failing to encourage me to spend time alone with the Lord ___29. Condemning me for not being the spiritual leader of our family and for not taking more spiritual responsibility ___30. Not understanding that a man’s need to spend time alone with God is not a rejection of her ___31. Being unwilling to learn contentment in her present circumstances ___32. Being ungrateful for each expression of my love or provision ___33. Not praising me for growth or achievement in areas where she wants me to improve ___34. Not visualizing how our marriage problems are helping her to achieve greater character and growth in her relationship with Jesus Christ ___35. Making sarcastic comments about me ___36. Insulting me in front of others ___37. Using careless words when she communicates with me ___38. Nagging me harshly ___39. Raising her voice at me ___40. Making critical comments that seem to have no basis ___41. Swearing at me or using foul language in my presence ___42. Correcting me in public ___43. Being tactless when she points out my weaknesses or blind spots ___44. Reminding me angrily that she warned me not to do something ___45. Having disgusted or judgmental attitudes ___46. Telling me how wonderful other men are and comparing me to them ___47. Being disrespectful to my family members and other relatives ___48. Coercing me into arguments ___49. Not praising me for something that I did well, even if I did it for her ___50. Treating me like a child ___51. Being unaware of my needs ___52. Not trusting me ___53. Not approving of what I do or how I do it in a general sense ___54. Not being interested in her own personal growth or spiritual growth ___55. Not giving me input when I really need it and ask for it ___56. Not telling me that she loves me in specific ways ___57. Having generally selfish and condemning attitudes ___58. Not attending church regularly ___59. Showing more excitement for work and other activities than for me ___60. Not being consistent with the discipline of the children ___61. Being unwilling to admit when she is wrong ___62. Being defensive when I point out one of her “blind spots” ___63. Being too busy with work and other activities ___64. Not allowing me to fail—believing that she always has to correct me ___65. Spending too much money and accumulating too much debt ___66. Not having a sense of humor and not being able to joke about things ___67. Not telling me how important I am to her ___68. Not defending me when someone else complains about me or tears me down, (especially if it is one of her relatives or friends) ___69. Not praising me to other people ___70. Ignoring my relatives and the people who are important to me ___71. Criticizing me behind my back. (This is especially painful for me if I hear about her criticism from someone else) ___72. Blaming me for the things in our relationship that are clearly her fault ___73. Becoming impatient or angry with me when I can’t keep up with her schedule or her physical stamina ___74. Acting as though she is a martyr if she goes along with my decisions ___75. Sulking when I challenge her comments ___76. Insisting upon lecturing me in order to convey the importance of her points ___77. Putting other things before me ___78. Showing more appreciation or admiration for other men than for me ___79. Criticizing or belittling my character or abilities ___80. Pushing me to do things that I think should not be done ___81. Making fun of my leadership (even in jest) ___82. Not seeking my advice or counsel on issues in her world ___83. Allowing trivial and non-essential discussions to become arguments ___84. Consistently complaining ___85. Honoring her parents above me ___86. Devaluing my input with the children ___87. Complaining about the time that I need with other men to pursue positive goals ___88. Being uninterested in my recreational interests ___89. Violating money management agreements ___90. Not generally admiring me as a man ___91. Not respecting my leadership ___92. Berating me for lack of spiritual leadership ___93. Not paying full attention while I am talking to her ___94. Interrupting me before she has heard me out ___95. Trying to get in the last word in order to win an argument ___96. Using statements such us, “You always…” and “You never…” ___97. Devaluing my vocation or work pursuits ___98. Failing to take care of her physical appearance ___99. Failing to assume her part of the responsibility to keep the house neat and clean ___100. Making fun of my physical appearance ___101. Not building me up and not encouraging me ___102. Not expressing a gentle and respectful spirit when we disagree ___103. Bringing up past failures and hurts ___104. Arguing with me or questioning me in front of the children ___105. Consistently putting the children’s needs before mine ___106. Keeping secrets from me and being untrustworthy ___107. Making excuses about the children’s disobedience ___108. Excessive spending and use of credit cards ___109. Forgetting things that matter to me ___110. Not praying for me
As husbands evaluate this list and begin to identify certain ways in which their wives have offended them, they should seek God’s grace to begin the forgiveness process immediately. |
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